August 6th, 2005

SN - Dean

ow ow ow

my back is sore this morning... :(

as always things have been crazy around here! i'm way broke this week, my paycheck was slim since i had 2 days off my last pay weeks. *sigh* i haven't really complained about it before but i've been doing a lot of visits to my doctor since my insurance kicked in and that's cost me some dough too. although my problems haven't been resolved yet and i just feel like a guinea pig at the moment, you know, "try this and we'll see if it worked in about 2 months." meh :/

my problems are more feminine so i'm sure most of you don't want to hear about it... short end of the stick would be i've gained a ton of weight and haven't had a period yet since i got off depo provera over a year ago... the fact my breasts have gotten bigger is killing my already bad back... my doctor thinks it may have deteriorated my uteris lining and put me on the pill to see if it helps build it back up, so i do that for 2 months and see if anything happens... it's only been 2 weeks and i'm really damn anxious.

i tried selling some things on ebay, but that really didn't come to be any money at all... i made about $30 after all was said and done. i'm trying to sell my kitchen table and china cabinet, an entertainment center, and a twin sized loft bed that's only a year old now... we'll see if they get me anywhere... not on ebay of course. i'm going to go the route of trying fliers and the pennysaver. trying to get myself more help for the move and books for school... (starting class again at the end of the month!)

this whole constantly being broke thing drives me absolutely batty! i mean, when i'm at work everyone is so impressed by me, so why is it i can never get a damned raise?! ughh! i just need that year to finally come about so i can be making more money... 8 months down... 4 more to go and counting...

i have 2 rabbits for free!! any takers??? sweet, adorable, but too many pets for me!

well... i'll get back to packing my stuff....

thanks for reading my babble ;)

x0x0x
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SN - Dean

family secrets...

i just learned my families darkest secret...

of course i can't repeat it... it's horrible... i can't believe my family could ever have such a deeply engraved lie to the point that it could single handedly destroy the lives of an entire branch of the twisted, dying tree we already rot in...

i can't understand how someone could face themselves in the mirror every day knowing that they've been holding a terrible secret for over 30 years.

*sigh*

this month is just shit... things are already bad for me financially this month... and the move is stressing me out... on top of it i'm just so depressed now, especially knowing what i know and there's nothing i can do about it.

i wish i had a solution but i just don't, and it sucks.
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    depressed depressed