January 11th, 2008

SN - Dean

it's really starting to hit home...

It's getting closer to February... I put in a request for the 1st and 2nd of February off of work...

Groundhogs day, one year ago, is the day my baby boy Conrad was brought into the world and ripped back out.

I'm getting more and more upset about the coming of my brother's baby boy... I've been so happy to see everyone else with child. sure it stings a little... but something about my brother having a baby boy... it really hurts even though I guess I should be happy.

My mother just told me today that his wife picked the "classic winnie the pooh" theme for the baby... that's the same I had picked out for Conrad...

It's put a lump in my throat.

I feel terrible for Sky, because I know that it upsets him that it has made me sad... but he understands that it's not that I'm not happy for him... just that I'm saddened by what happened with my Conrad.

If he had been born when he should have... June 9th, 2007... he would be 7 months old right now... he might enjoy peek-a-boo and be eating finger foods... he might be interested in a sippy cup... he might actually miss me when I'm out of the room... it's just all those little stages and things that I will never see him go through...

there's that lump in my throat again...

x0x0x
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